Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
