did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
