i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
