Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
