Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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