i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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