Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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