I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
