I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
