If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
