my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
