I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
