Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
