If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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