wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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