Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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