My sheets look like a crime scene.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
