I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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