I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
