We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
