what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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