walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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