smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
