I can tuck mytits in my pants
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
