dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
