i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
