Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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