you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i out mim tonsoeep
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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