Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
