I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
