She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
