that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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