It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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