Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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