and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize