I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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