alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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