We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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