whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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