her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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