saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
