I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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