i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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