these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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