is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
