he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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