Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize