they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
