In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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