You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
