I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
