You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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