How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
