All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish life had little blips of pornography
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
