We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
