you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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