cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
