Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
