the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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