I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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