I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
