I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
