In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
