my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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