Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
