I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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