Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
