You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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