Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
