Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
