a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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