We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
