my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
