NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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