Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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