If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
