Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
