For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
