I just made out with a guy for $7.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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