He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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