I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
