brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
