i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We had to coat check the pizza.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
