She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize